Josh is a wildcard; an unstable mess prone to volatile mood swings and impulsiveness. Chaotic and reckless, he lives like he has nothing left to lose. He never thinks before he acts, and has an incredible talent for making a mess of any situation he lands himself into.
Head to any seedy pub or underground club in the run-down ruins that mark the demon territory, grounds for nightlife revelry and debauchery, where lowlife ne’er-do-wells flock to. You're likely to find Josh hanging out there. Probably brooding as he drinks alone in a shadowy corner.
Upon meeting him, what immediately strikes most people is just how crass and abrasive he is. He is foul-mouthed and poor-mannered, unabashedly rude and disrespectful. Has a habit of making crude comments and sleazy remarks in a way that some may find offputting.
Doesn't care for formality and etiquette. Even in serious situations that require tact and emotional intelligence, he can be painfully insensitive. Whether that's because he lacks the empathy to read the room, or just lacks the sympathy to care, it's hard to tell.
Angsty, moody, and bitter. Easily irritated and short-tempered. Argumentative, can get aggressive, prone to lashing out in anger.
Overall, trying to interact with him would leave most people with a bad taste in their mouth, his unpleasant attitude turns most people away. He is certainly not making any effort to be friendly, or to leave a good impression on the people he meets. If anything, it almost seems like he's trying to make himself unlikeable.
However, despite all his "tough edgy badboy" antics, it is a thin veil to cover up just how insecure and fragile he truly is. If you know which buttons to push, he will crumble like a house of cards. In truth, he is a wreck, struggling to keep his emotions in check, prone to breaking down.
He exists in a state of constant and all-encompassing misery. Sometimes, he feels like he is being crushed under the weight of agonising sadness, wanting to scream and cry and claw his heart out of his chest. Other times, he feels flatlined, struggling to feel anything other than a listless, empty apathy. He quite often bounces between the two states. In any case, it has been a long time since he felt any semblance of happiness, to the point he has almost forgotten what it feels like.
He tries to fill the void, by any means necessary. Usually this involves indulgence in hedonism as a means of distraction and escapism. Seeks stimulation through the rush of adrenaline and the thrill of danger, or euphoria through substance use. But it all rings hollow, he still feels so dissatisfied with his life, struggling to find anything worth living for.
He feels hopeless, seeing no way out of the cycle of self-destruction he perpetuates. He acknowledges his problems, claiming he wants to improve himself and his situation, but even when he gets the chance, he never puts in the effort required to do so. Instead, he always chooses the easy way out, to default to a quick fix, even if he knows it will only make things worse in the long run. And so he continues to carry the weight of so much regret, he hates himself for it, but he refuses to learn.
Deeply lonely. With such a broken sense of self-worth, he seeks to find it in other people. He craves validation, and is willing to do anything to achieve it. Caves so easily to the pressure of his peers. He clings tightly to those he becomes attached to, hopelessly and obsessively devoted, even to those he knows are bad for him. Just another vice he cannot bear to part with. It's better than being alone, right?
However, he is terrified of letting people to get close to him. He has been betrayed too many times, which has left him cynical and distrusting. His solution is to push away the people he cares about, to keep the people he loves at an arm's length. It's better to hurt others than to be hurt by others, right?
Yes, the two sides are in contradiction. This does cause severe tension and instability in his relationships. There have been times he has had to come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. There have been times he has permanently lost people due to his own sabotage. Nothing cuts him deeper than rejection and abandonment, and yet he inevitably brings it upon himself, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He desperately yearns for affection, he wants to be wanted. But in a way, he believes he doesn't even deserve love. How could anyone love someone like him? Everyone would be better off without him.
